FAQ

Q: So, what exactly is this ‘RecycledPulp’ palaver all about?

A: RecycledPulp is pointless, irreverent micro-fiction, using old pulp artwork for inspiration.

 

Q: Okay, great thanks – I haven’t the faintest idea what any of that means. Could you try and explain it for me in proper English, without any of the marketing jargon?

A: If you insist. Basically, I find old pulp-era artwork lying about on the internet and come up with some witty commentary that takes the piss out of it. Is that more helpful?

 

Q: Right, I see… so you’re kind of just exploiting the superior talent of others for your own ends?

A: Absolutely. Except, if by ‘your own ends’ you mean ‘financial gain’, you couldn’t be further from the truth.

 

Q: Hmmm, so you’re saying that you are incompetent too? Anyway, don’t bother answering that, I’ve just had a quick browse around the site and I have spotted an issue. Can I report this to you?

A: Please do. Besides having this big pile of staples to straighten, my diary is wide open today. And yes, I am absolutely incompetent.

 

Q: Thanks for clearing that up. So the problem I’ve spotted is as follows: none of what’s on this website is actually funny at all, is it? I mean, do you really think this is entertaining?

A: Is that a question?

 

Q: Yes. Can you answer it please?

A: I’d be glad to. You are most clinical in your unflinching assessment: absolutely none of this is funny at all.

 

Q: So now you’re using some big, clever words and getting rather petulant – are you trying to be sarcastic?

A: Perish the thought. I wouldn’t abide using such a low form of humour as sarcasm either here or anywhere else.

 

Q: I’m not entirely sure you’re being genuine with me here. I have to say I’m finding you to be a rather difficult and odd individual. The more I think about it, this is all starting to fall together: this is all just some form of shallow vanity project to make you feel superior, isn’t it?

A: You’ve caught me red-handed.

 

Q: There you again! What is the matter with you?!

A: That is for professionals to decide in the fullness of time. The FAQ section of a shallow vanity project isn’t really the forum for the pair of us to explore the matter in any great substance.

 

Q: You do have a point there I suppose. Actually, now I think about it, I’ve been sat here for ages discussing this nonsense. What time do you make it?

A: 10.45. Just gone.

 

Q: Good Lord! I’m late for an appointment at the hospital!

A: That’s unfortunate. You’ll have to re-schedule. And doing that’s always a bastard.

 

Q: It certainly is: I’m Head of Cardiology at St Richards University Hospital. I was meant to be in theatre twenty minutes ago performing a triple bypass on the Secretary of State for Rural Affairs. This blasted site and your indolence may have cost a man his life!

A: Quite possibly I suppose.

 

Q: How callous and cruel! How do you live with yourself you selfish creature?!

A: By exercising my crippling anxieties via a shallow vanity project.

 

Q: Damn you! Do you really have no compassion for your fellow man?

A: Little, with the remainder dwindling proportionally based on the continuing duration of this conversation.

 

Q:I pity cowardly creatures like you who hide behind the false anonymity of the internet and social media, judging society and spreading your hateful, biased views with no risk of responsibility or culpability. Is this really how you imagined your life would be when you were an innocent child with the world stretched out far ahead of you, filled with possibilities?

A: This has gotten slightly more substantive than I anticipated when setting up a ‘Frequently Asked Questions’ forum.

 

Q: Your deflection of the question won’t help you deny the truth and halt you from confronting your personal deficiencies and failings.

A: Do you have any further questions or comments about the website?

 

Q: Unbelievable! Sickening! I’ll leave you in peace then with your tawdry little website and your sneering little jokes. I would wish you luck with it, but I fear that such words will only serve to perpetuate your warped sense of febrile self-worth, chaperoned by your fanaticism and denial of reality.

A: The colour-scheme for the website was chosen as a way of establishing a colourful ‘comic’ look with a retro-style…

 

Q: You disgusting human-being.

A: Thanks so much for your feedback. For latest episodes, follow on Twitter @RecycledPulp.